I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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