my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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