dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he fucked my hip out of place.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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