I think I won the penis lottery.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Ketchup is God's man juice
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
