Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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