Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
