I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
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Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
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You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize