why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
