apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Randomize
