He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
