I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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