a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
