I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
