arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
