you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I need to sanitize my soul.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
