Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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