The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Green mimosas i think yes
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
