You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
