i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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