please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
