He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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