Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
