so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
