I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
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afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one acquire holy water?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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