If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
