Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
