Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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