life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
ttyl tear gas
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
