Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
