We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
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Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
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THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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