so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
