I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
