morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
