I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
