belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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