I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
