my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
