i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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