My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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