Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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