You're completely useless in the revolution.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
