Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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