I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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