I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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