I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
