well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
