Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
