What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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