She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
