Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
