dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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