Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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