just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
