apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
