Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
God, I missed his penis.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
