Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize