I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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