just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
