He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
