Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
