He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
