I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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