so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
