listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
