Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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