i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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