I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
