when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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