i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
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So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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