I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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