And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
