I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
