What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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