): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
