We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
