Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
