I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
