my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
