I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
