i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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